First, my apologies ladies and gentlemen. I was up a bit late polishing off a few pints before the end of the world and missed my flight. By end of the world I mean the celebratory mourning session I had after learning about the death of a truly great man, Macho Man Randy Savage. I dislike many things about you Americans, hand gun laws, your reality tv shows, Al Roker...just to name a few. Your affinity for men dressed in tights with over-inflated muscles and make-believe egos is something I also share.
I'm broadcasting live today from the gates of hell for the AAA Boys state final where Myrtle Beach will square off against Eastside!
Where's Sara Jane Harris??????
I'm sweating more than Osama bin Laden's child support beneficiaries but we're about to start this match regardless. I must say that the crowd is less than impressive for this match.
The lineups are being announce and we're about to kick off. Eastside fan base doing their rendition of "welcome to my party" by saying "SUCKS" at the end of every play from Myrtle Beach being announced. I hope they can back it up on the field.
wakaflockamyers to answer your question I must first tell you that my mum always raised me to respect women and all good things will come to me. I respectfully asked that she go to my room at the Clarion and put on some skinnier clothing. It's hot out here.
The announcements have been made and we're about to kick off...
In early action Myrtle seems to be a bit more tricky. Eastside possesses good technical ability. Arambula and Zwing will be the players to watch for Myrtle. No chances on net as enter the 3rd minute....JUST AS I TYPE IT Eastide crunches in a tackle on Zwing, quick transition and smacks the post off a great service. MB were lucky there not to go down to an EHS side ready to punch one in!
That's really classy eastside
More bird teams on the pitch.....Seahawks v. the Eagles...whatever happened to real teams like Bearcats & Bulldogs..?
There's a bit of smoke emanating from the parking lot. Looks like the Irmo bus is pulling in. The AAAA final promise to be great! Right now though MB has won a free kick in a dangerous area. Alert alert
MB looks to be up for it now after their first 5 minute post-prom hangover. With the heat out on the pitch today it's easy to see how they could quickly sweat out some of that sin from last night. I sure did.
They've had two close chances as we enter the 9th minute. EHS battles back though and earns a corner.
EHS has had the better end of it the last few minutes. They should have just scored twice. Two EHS players found themselves with an open goal and smacked each other rather than the ball. They still look primed to score. They have won a significant amount of the balls in the air. MB comes back though with an open look that goes right to the keeper. Christian Bonnet looks lively!
Great start to the match!
Into the 15th minute now and it's still deadlocked at 0's. One of the people of who I unfortunately associate myself with continuously reminds me of how good Real Madrid is and has announced they beat Real Amleria or some other B-team 8-1...horray for them. I suspect that Barcelona would have won 18-1 considering that nightmare of a UCL Semi-final I saw.
EHS has a question for controversy as MB brings down a player who has a path to goal. Only a caution but could have been red. The set piece was a bit awful for my tastes and nothing comes of it. 20th minute 0-0
Gotta feel fortunate the final was not between Wildcats & Yellowjackets. It truly woulda been the end of the world.......
It's hotter than the girls of the Middleton family in Columbia SC today. I now know why Tarleton showed no quarter for you colonials. He was trying to put you out of your misery.
We have entered our "holy f*** it's hot we need to take a break every 20 minutes" official break. Lucozades for the boys, popsicles for the fans in the stands, mystery drink in a solo cup for myself.
And we're off like a herd of turtles as Shovelton should have scored there! Oh my! he broke down two players in the box and and a swipe at it but missed the ball completely and the chance goes to waste.
AND WE HAVE A SCORE!!!!! IT'S MYRTLE BEACH'S MASON LEWIS TO OPEN IT UP FOR THE GRAND STRAND!!!!
1-0 MB in the 28th minute!!!
There's loud bass music in the parking lot, smoke in the air, and we're getting closer to 7 o'clock...yep. It's Irmo time.
10 minutes left in the half and whoever is grilling out in the parking lot needs to stop. I'm hungrier than Ramires needs to be. We are still at 1-0 with 8 to go in the 1st half. EHS will be desperate to equalize before the half.
The half ends and it's 1-0 MB. I must step out for a bit...someone came in and said there's a bevy of cops outside the stadium interrogating some Irmo tailgates...this should be interesting.
The 2nd half starts off and EHS really needs to put the foot on the peddle here...
The Irmo students were drinking RIGHT NEXT to the stadium. Where are the parents? I saw too much go to waste there...I don't know if I can take it.
GOAL!!!! EHS WHAT A FINISH!!!!
A HALF VOLLEY STINGER FROM 10 YARDS AWAY. IT DOESN'T GET ANY SWEETER THAN THAT!!!!
It's 1-1 on 46 minutes as Bonnet makes it level! OH MY!!!
AND ANOTHER ONE GOES IN AS EHS SMELLS BLOOD!!! WHAT A TURN OF EVENTS! IT'S 2-1 EASTSIDE AS A FREE HEADER SPANKS THE BACK OF THE NET LIKE A HUGH GRANT PROSTITUTE! LYNESS PUTS EASTSIDE AHEAD ON 47 minutes! I almost spilled my drink on that. What a shocking turn.
MB looks like they're really feeling the effects of the prom last night and I'm serious about that. They have hands on thighs, bent over, and are sucking air.
It looks like the beach could be in trouble though.
EHS has been impressive today. They've put MB on surfboards this second half. It's still 2-1 with 25 to play. There is also a question in the pressbox: Does anyone know a white guy named "Terrence"
EHS GK makes a great save to keep his side ahead in the match! Arambula should have scored but the keeper makes a fantastic dive to his left! 22 left to play!
EHS almost adds a third but it goes high! This will surely be an exciting final 20!!! The crowds for the 4A final are starting to pick up! Get out to Memorial Stadium if you plan to fast!
At this point...I seriously doubt anyone other than God himself started those fires when Columbia burned in 1865. I'm thinking about making bangers and mash old school style, using the sun as a heat source and the bleachers as the griddle.
15 left to play
EHS 2
MB 1
Jesus called and said the rapture's off today because he can't be bothered to get out of the AC. One more day for all! There's 8 minutes left to play
Eastside 2 - MB 1
5 minutes left and it's 2-1 still with EHS on the advantage. They have played really well and done much better with the conditions today. I must say that the pitch is in top form for an event like this...much, much better improvement over The Cage which I visited during the Palmetto Cup.
1 minute left in the match and EHS has a free kick deep in the MB half. It could be over. Now they have a corner. EHS surely will win the AAA state championship!
It's all over! EHS is the AAA state champions! A tremendous 2nd half comeback sees them win the match. As the Irmo fans pile into the stands I must ask if there are a lack of garments available to the females. Many of them barely have any clothing on.