Prediction for match
0-20': Tense, conservative soccer in which Mexico dominates possession 58-42% but never really moves the ball into the attacking third.
21': A clearly drunken Eric Wynalda eludes security and runs shirtless onto the field screaming, "Get some dirt in your **************" at the USNMT or possibly at every fan in Azteca. Before he can clarify which, he is billy-clubbed into submission and dragged off the field by police.
22': Landon Donovan puts a perfect cross onto the powerful head of Alan Gordon, whom Bob Bradley has smuggled into the stadium and unveiled as his secret weapon just before kick-off. Gordon scores, prompting several Mexican defenders to leave the field in shame and, during an impromptu halftime press conference, to announce their retirement from soccer. 1-0 USA.
29': Donovan puts another cross into the box. This time Gordon falls over and misses. But because all the Mexican players are afraid to defend Gordon because they'll have to retire if he scores while they're marking him, Donovan has time and space to get onto the end of his own cross and volley it home. 2-0 USA.
30'-75'. Tense, conservative soccer in which Mexico dominates possession 58-42% but never really moves the ball into the attacking third.
76'. A still-drunk Eric Wynalda, now showing some nasty bruises from his "interview" with the cops, once again eludes security and runs onto the field yelling something about Jim Rome, Rafa Marquez, and Steve Cohen. Before security can reach Wynalda, Javier Aguirre sneaks up behind him and puts him on the ground with a kick to the groin. Somehow, this gets Michael Bradley and Rico Clark
red-carded.
77'. Dissatisfied with the team's performance, the Mexican Fed fires Javier Aguirre and replaces him with Ricardo Lavolpe.
77'-82'. After the red card expulsions, Mexico seizes control of the game by dominating possession 80-20% but not taking a single shot on goal.
83'. Dissatisfied with the team's performance, the Mexican Fed fires Ricardo Lavolpe and replaces him with Fernando Clavijo.
83'-88'. Mexico retreats into its own half and dominates possession 90-10%.
88'. Dissatisfied with the team's performance, the Mexican Fed fires Fernando Clavijo and replaces him with Don Francisco from Sábado Gigante.
89'. Alan Gordon finally escapes from the locker into which Onyewu and Bocanegra had shoved him at halftime so that Charlie Davies could be subbed in to replace him.
89'. Gio Dos Santos rips a shot into the upper vee from six yards out. Tim Howard stares angrily at the ball, causing it to stop in midair and fall tamely out of bounds. Somehow, this gets Michael Bradley and Rico Clark their second red cards.
89-96'. The ref awards "five minutes" of stoppage time. Mexico pulls back into their own penalty box, doing freestyle juggling tricks and dominating possession 100-0%.
97'. The ref reluctantly blows the whistle.
Final score: USA 2: MEX 0.
