Christieh...I agree with many of your points... particularly 1,2,4,6,and 8. I agree that suicides are not very popular or enjoyable, but the players need to understand that conditioning is vital. Often, the time where lack of conditioning shows itself in games is making runs off the ball. The overlapping sprints and slashing runs that need to take place in a game to disrupt the defense and cause them to lose shape take a great deal of energy and need to be practiced... and without a ball to slow them down.
Pushups are about as popular as suicides, and if they are used exclusively as a punishment in place of proper instruction, then I agree that they are useless. (actually harmful) However, they can prove useful as a gentle reminder of things that the players already know very well. For example, if my players use inappropriate language in practice, even of a mild nature, they need to "drop and give me ten". If they pickup a ball with their hands to move it to a different spot on the field instead of dribbling it with their feet, the same thing. During shooting drills, they have all been properly instructed on how to keep the ball down. If it goes over the top, they stop and drop. They actually enjoy the routine...they stop and kid each other about it and they actually focus the next time. And most importantly...it is done in a fun and forgiving nature, not with anger or humiliation.
Using Dads for busy work is a good idea...let's not exclude the Moms. Either way, the parents need to know what their limits are when it comes to giving instruction.
You bring up many excellent points and you seem to care about the kids. Good observations Christieh!