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June 16

Ivory Coast players used their day off to spend a staggering £14,000 on computer games, DVDs and CDs in a electrical shop near Cologne. (Sun)

Holland's gay community have elected Portugal's Cristiano Ronaldo as the World Cup's "most beautiful, attractive and sexiest" footballer. (Mirror)

Trinidad & Tobago defender Brent Sancho got his local TV newsreader to ask his girlfriend to marry him live on air during the 2-0 defeat to England. (Mirror)

Holland boss Marco van Basten has promised his players a night at a pop concert if they reach the World Cup final - so they can repeat the Dutch team's visit to a Whitney Houston gig before winning the 1988 European Championship. (Sun)

England's players have been issued with earplugs to help them sleep through the din outside their city-centre hotel created by partying fans. (Guardian)

Meanwhile, proud father Greg Boyd had more reason than most to cheer when Aaron Lennon came on as a second half substitute for England against Trinidad & Tobago. Greg's week-old son, Lennon, was named after the Spurs winger - and arrived just in time for his dad to watch the World Cup. Greg was panicking that he may have to miss some of the opening matches due to the small matter of attending his first-born's birth but 8.6lbs Lennon arrived a day early and was allowed home just in time for the opening ceremony. "It was perfect timing," Greg, of Clifton in Bristol told BBC Sport. "Lennon did us proud - and at 52cm, he's almost as tall as his namesake!"

Tesco said sales of Caribbean food and drink had soared north of the border as Scots prepared to cheer on Trinidad & Tobago. Buyer Simon Dunn said: "We've seen huge increases in the sale of rum in Scotland by nearly 15% and the sale of mangoes has increased by a staggering 47% in the past two weeks alone."

A television set was ordered for the British delegation room at a Brussels summit on the future direction of the European Union so Prime Minister Tony Blair could keep his eye on the match.

June 19

England WAGs (wives and girlfriends) are taunted by locals in a nightclub that Germany are going to win the World Cup. (Sun, Express, Mail)

A schoolboy in Hertfordshire has invented a new football language called "socceranto". (Star)

Pope Benedict XVI is watching the World Cup on an old black and white television. (Mirror)

Wayne Rooney topped a poll of celebrities, ahead of Robbie Williams, that people would like to preserve for the future. (Star)

June 20

German coach Jurgen Klinsmann has asked the media to stop gathering at his family's bakery in Stuttgart - takings are down because of the perpetual media scrum for a chat with Klinsi's mum. (Daily Mirror)

Mexico coach Ricardo Ka Volpe, ordered by Fifa to stop smoking on the touchline during games, has turned to prayer instead - his nerves are now soothed by offering up words to the Virgin of Guadeloupe. (The Times)

German tabloid Bild has published a league table of spending in Baden-Baden by the wives and girlfriends of England's players. Wayne Rooney's fiancee Coleen McLoughlin tops the cash-splashers, apparently. (The Guardian)

German TV licencing officials are tracking down non-payers by trawling the streets and swooping on addresses without a licence when they hear cheers and hollering during Germany's matches. (The Times)

Lost in translation? Italy coach Marcello Lippi apparently had this to say about Daniele De Rossi's sending off for elbowing the USA's Brian McBride:

"I have left him to boil in his own soup. He's a fantastic guy, but he must change his computer chip." (Daily Mail)

June 21

Gold mines in Ghana were told to temporarily cut their power usage when a World Cup-inspired surge in TV viewing threatened a blackout. (The Independent)

City officials in Cologne, where England played Sweden, ordered 175,000 litres of beer for their bars, estimating the average Three Lions fan would down five litres in the course of the day. (Daily Telegraph)

Former Spurs star Steve Perryman is doing well out of Sweden's army of fans in Germany - his sports travel company is one of Scandinavia's largest. (The Guardian)

Spurs striker Jermain Defoe may have been left crying into his beer after his omission from England's squad, but at least he still features alongside David Beckham, Joe Cole and Steven Gerrard on promotional packs of Carlsberg Export. (Daily Mail)

Spanish daily 20 Minutos claims Nostradamus tipped Spain to win the World Cup. It quotes one of his prophecies as follows: "In the sixth month of 2006 the King of Spain will cross the Pyrenees with his troops. The legions of Beelzebub will battle him in central Europe and suffer doom and destruction. The Holy Grail will then come to Spain." (Press Association)

More World Cup Funny Stuff-

http://www.deadspin.com/sports/world-cup-preview/

But.. if Jack Bauer were on our squad..we would have already won..somehow.

PS - The Clint video..is just..shameful. One of those things I wish I had the power to unexist.

Tommy Smyth just now on Cold Pizza

"Brian McBride will put his head where most people wouldn't put their foot."

haters wanna hate but man i'm feelin great
THANKS TO SOCCER IM ROUND MO ICE THAN A HOCKEY SKATE
mo cash up in the bank no need fo yall to rake
i done cut the yard and threw the trash away

really funny stuff-

http://bigpondguide.com/RoyHGDribble06004g_50_

WORLD CUP FUNNIES

Angola striker Flavio, who scored his country's first World Cup goal in the 1-1 draw against Iran, has won himself a house for finding the net. (Daily Mail)

Germany are going to swot up on second-round opponents Sweden by watching a DVD showing the country and its culture. (The Sun)

The wives and girlfriends of the England players have forked out £10,000 on fake tanning treatment. (Daily Mirror)

The deaths of at least five Chinese football fans during the World Cup have been linked to drinking or over-excitement watching the games. (The Independent)

"I don't know, maybe Landon and Bruce can go play chess. Cause that's what their soccer looked like this World Cup."

Wynalda

Not "funny" ..but the fooseball isn't a bad way to pass the downtime between matches.

http://www.gillette.com/fifaworldcup/

WORLD CUP FUNNIES

England left-back Ashley Cole admitted to Mexican reporter Ines Sainz in a post-match interview on Sunday that the diamond in his ear was a fake. (Daily Mail)

Michael Carrick's girlfriend Lisa Roughead sang ABBA's Dancing Queen during a karaoke session at the England WAGs' favourite bar in Baden-Baden, Garibaldi. (The Sun)

Against Italy, Australia fielded two players, Marco Bresciano and Vince Grella, who speak to each other in Italian. This comes after Germany's Polish strike force of Miroslav Klose and Lukas Podolski played against Poland. (The Times)

WORLD CUP FUNNIES

German breweries are worried they cannot make beer fast enough to satisfy the huge thirsts of England's World Cup fans. (Daily Mirror, The Sun)

The 15 "fan fests" in Germany are selling half a litre of water for £2.40, 20 pence more than they charge for the same amount of beer. (The Guardian, The Sun)

Jamie Carragher's entourage of friends and family - the House of Scouse - has grown too large to be invited to official FA events, not that that has stopped them from having an independently good time. (Daily Mail)

German tabloid Bild took another shot at David Beckham on Tuesday, poking fun at the England midfielder for being sick during Sunday's match against Ecuador. (Daily Mirror, The Sun)

A Chinese football commentator has sparked controversy in the country with his hugely biased reaction to Italy's win over Australia - he defended his commentary by saying, "I don't like Australians." (The Times)

Supermarket chain Asda wants to sign up Portugal star Figo for an advertising campaign in a hope that its injury jinx will strike again - Wayne Rooney and Michael Owen have already fallen victim to the jinx. (Daily Mirror)

WORLD CUP FUNNIES

France's former striker Youri Djorkaeff was rumbled on Saturday after telling employers New York Red Bulls he was away attending a "family emergency". Djorkaeff was spotted in the crowd at the France v Brazil quarter-final. (The Independent)

The Pope will have divided loyalties when Germany play Italy in the semi-final on Tuesday. The Pontiff, who has lived in Italy for 40 years but was born in Bavaria, will support one team in each half. (The Sun)

The FA, already under-fire after England's exit from the World Cup, has received a battering from another source.

The groundsmen, on a special three-month secondment from Wembley, responsible for preparing England's immaculate training pitch in Baden-Baden were incensed at not being given any World Cup tickets. (Daily Mail)