None to blow, really. We all face these questions. In the last three calendar years, my child has played significant minutes for at least 5 different coaches/trainers (without ever once changing affiliation, I might add). During that time, my child has played every position but keeper, has started, subbed in, finished, and not played a lick for no obvious reason.
My best answer to some of your post is, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." Each coach/trainer sees things differently, has varying comfort levels with players, etc. I get mightily POed when I see some of the ridiculously subjective stuff that happens to kids -- not just mine.
As some here can tell you, I don't automatically assign excellence, or even competence, to coaches. I take 'em one at a time. It does bother me, however, that many in our state automatically assume I somehow know less than they, strictly because I'm a parent.
My advice to coaches is, take parents one at a time, and you'd be surprised what you might learn.
