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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 283
Corner Kick
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Corner Kick
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 283 |
Let me preface this by saying that the majority of parents that I deal with are great people, care for their kids and don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. I have been involved in baseball (as a player) and I don't think soccer parents are unique......however:
This past weekend, I was at a youth tournament in SC. I was coaching a U10 girls team. During one of the U10 girls games, that was a one-sided affair at the moment. The ref was late in blowing a whistle on a offsides violation against my team. One of the other teams parents screamed at the ref to make a call, and used profanity in doing so. The referee looked over to the area of the fan, and the fan was yelling "Yeah it was me, it was me..." and began walking onto the field toward the referee. The referee was very calm, but firm and told the man the return. He continued to walk up into the referee's face and continued to berate him. The ref then told the man he was ejected and he had to leave immediately.
It was an ugly scene, I have 7,8 and 9 year old girls watching this entire episode.....and did I mention it was a U10 girls game ? Not a final, not between two teams even challenging to make the finals.
Second story, same tournament. My son was an AR in this tournament. Made an offsides call against a team early in a U11 boys game that called back a goal the team scored. The team ended up losing 2-1. A parent immediately after the game approached my son and the other AR and the CR demanding to see their referee credentials. My son had his USSF card with him and his badge and showed it to him. He also asked my son his age and my son told him. This parent went to the officials area and complained about the lack of experience of the crew, my son included. He has called academy games this season and was excited to be in his first tournament. I didn't see the call so I don't know if it was correct or not, the CR agreed with him so I tend to think it was a good one. But it really saddens me to see a parent confront a referee immediately after the game. A U11 game.......did I mention it was a U11 game ?
I saw many other examples of poor behavior by parents toward their children, referees and coaches. It really was disheartening. A coach I used to assist with, told me he wished he had a team of orphans because all his problems would be gone. He was exaggerating, of course, but I understand his point very lucidly now.
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 478
Goal
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Goal
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 478 |
Sad. And then, when the kids of these parents grow up, guess how they will be acting?
Ban them permanently from the sidelines if they act like complete morons with no restraint. They are too close to the sidelines in club soccer anyway.
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,256 Likes: 2
Coach
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Coach
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,256 Likes: 2 |
If there's one thing I'd like to encourage parents to do, it's cheer for good soccer, or at the very least, good effort--not just for winning. It doesn't hurt your child one bit after taking a shot to hear "It's ok, good shot, but the keeper made a good save! Get back in and keep shooting!" By giving due credit to the opposing team, you make your child's accomplishment much more meaningful when they succeed.
Of course you want your team to win, but please cheer for your team's efforts, not the other team's mistakes. I had my team waiting to take the field yesterday as the game prior to ours was being settled by kicks from the mark. The first shooter sent her shot wide of the goal, and a parent from the opposing team immediately started yelling and cheering with the typical "WHOOO! YEEAAAHHH! ALL-RIIIIGHT!!!" This was repeated every time an opposing player missed.
My problems with this are twofold: First, it was an unforced error by a nervous 15-year-old. The keeper did not make a save, great or otherwise...what, exactly, did your team do that you're cheering for? Unless--and this brings me to the second part of my problem--you're just cheering for the failure of someone else that happens to benefit you. I can imagine the effect that had on the players on the field--both teams. If you're cheering on your team's positive effort and great performance, you're sending a message about the value of their character and actions...if you're cheering on someone else's failure that you had nothing to do with...what message are you sending?
I've got good news and bad news...
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,062
brace
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brace
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,062 |
I attended a game this week that was horrendously (borderline dangerously) officiated by an obvious homer.
At the same game, I heard one of the home side's fans berate an opposing team's players, and another offer a lovely racist comment.
As a "rational" parent, what's my recourse?
The answer is, there is none. The officials are (practically speaking) beyond reproach, while the sideline of a road soccer match -- outnumbered 3:1 -- is a poor place to address parental misbehavior.
What SHOULD happen, Coach, is that the home side's staff should work to eliminate these problems.
Do they?
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,256 Likes: 2
Coach
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Coach
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,256 Likes: 2 |
You're right; there is very little recourse except to try to set a good example. Response among opposing fans almost inevitably leads to escalation, which doesn't help anything and in fact makes matters worse. Sometimes the best way to teach young people that certain behavior is inappropriate is to NOT mirror it, no matter how wrong it is or how right you think you are. If you get drawn into a sideline confrontation, at some point you become what you're protesting against.
Unlike high school, in a lot of club matches there is no true "home" side; both teams are often on the road from varying distances, so assigning responsibility to the home team's staff doesn't always work; I would say, though, that it is the responsibility of each team's coach, staff, club, etc. to set the tone and expectations for behavior on the field and on the sidelines, and address parents and fans as a group or as individuals, as necessary, if inappropriate behavior is present.
If there's an issue, rather than trying to settle it on the sideline, report it to the coach--after the game has ended and the dust settled. I can say from experience that I don't actually hear 90% of what is said on the parents' side of the field. When you're focused on the game, everything else gets tuned out into background noise, and if the coach isn't aware, he/she can't work to fix it. If there's no satisfaction there, then report issues to club management. Again, they can only work to correct what they're aware of.
Character and image, in my opinion, are more important in the long run than wins and losses...if I had to choose between winning a trophy and having an official after a match say, "I always enjoy officiating your team's matches," I'll happily take that second one.
I've got good news and bad news...
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 291
Corner Kick
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Corner Kick
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 291 |
Quote:
Let me preface this by saying that the majority of parents that I deal with are great people, care for their kids and don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. I have been involved in baseball (as a player) and I don't think soccer parents are unique......however:
This past weekend, I was at a youth tournament in SC. I was coaching a U10 girls team. During one of the U10 girls games, that was a one-sided affair at the moment. The ref was late in blowing a whistle on a offsides violation against my team. One of the other teams parents screamed at the ref to make a call, and used profanity in doing so. The referee looked over to the area of the fan, and the fan was yelling "Yeah it was me, it was me..." and began walking onto the field toward the referee. The referee was very calm, but firm and told the man the return. He continued to walk up into the referee's face and continued to berate him. The ref then told the man he was ejected and he had to leave immediately.
It was an ugly scene, I have 7,8 and 9 year old girls watching this entire episode.....and did I mention it was a U10 girls game ? Not a final, not between two teams even challenging to make the finals.
Second story, same tournament. My son was an AR in this tournament. Made an offsides call against a team early in a U11 boys game that called back a goal the team scored. The team ended up losing 2-1. A parent immediately after the game approached my son and the other AR and the CR demanding to see their referee credentials. My son had his USSF card with him and his badge and showed it to him. He also asked my son his age and my son told him. This parent went to the officials area and complained about the lack of experience of the crew, my son included. He has called academy games this season and was excited to be in his first tournament. I didn't see the call so I don't know if it was correct or not, the CR agreed with him so I tend to think it was a good one. But it really saddens me to see a parent confront a referee immediately after the game. A U11 game.......did I mention it was a U11 game ?
I saw many other examples of poor behavior by parents toward their children, referees and coaches. It really was disheartening. A coach I used to assist with, told me he wished he had a team of orphans because all his problems would be gone. He was exaggerating, of course, but I understand his point very lucidly now.
Sorry you had to go through that.
I hope the refs from both games filed reports to SCYSA. Tell your son in the future to report being approached after the game by parents and second tell him to never, ever show any type of credential to anyone after a game. He doesn't have to give his name or anything. Tell him to tell anyone that approaches him that if they have a problem to contact the tournament officials or if it is a league game to contact the league.
Refs are under no obligation to reveal names or cards or anything else to anyone after a game and they should report any attempts to do this after a game. It is entirely unacceptable.
WhoDaresWins
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 293
corner kick
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corner kick
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 293 |
We had a game in Columbia when my son was roughly 10 years old. The referee was a teenage boy. One of our parents started berating the referee and they got into a heated exchange. It escalated to the point where other concerned parents almost called the police. We happened to be discussing this incident 4-5 years later and someone was told of the story and later introduced me to the boy's mother. She said that her son never referred a game after that day.
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,062
brace
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brace
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,062 |
There are 3 sides to this discussion:
1) The "bad parents" side.
2) The young referee's side.
3) The home club's side.
#1. As it regards their children, parents ROUTINELY behave badly. As it regards their money/investment, multiply by 2. because this is expected behavior, there must be a solid plan in place to address it.
#2. Because of #1, newly minted referees -- indeed, ALL referees -- must develop situational deafness to ALL parental comments and behaviors, excluding REPEATED profanity and/or overtly threatening behavior. Not excusing poor behavior, but if you can't handle it correctly, you don't belong in that role.
My son officiates. I have told him to ignore spectators UNLESS AND UNTIL their behavior is SO BAD IT MUST BE ADDRESSED. Then, and only then, politely warn and then firmly eject.
#3. The home club/venue must ACTIVELY discourage poor behavior through a well-publicized warning/ejection/suspension process, and provide security WHEN NEEDED. If a club consistently fails to do so, it should be warned, then fined, then de-certified by SCYSA. (Which might be dreaming on my part, as nobody at SCYSA has EVER shown me much of anything but greed.)
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 541
Goal
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Goal
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 541 |
proactive & effective coaches usually shut "bad parents" down before first game of season. some offer to send-off "bad parents" player along with parent who talk smack from the sidelines.
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,256 Likes: 2
Coach
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Coach
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,256 Likes: 2 |
As to #3...
JIYSC (Charleston) meets CESA (Greenville) halfway to play at SCUFC's BB&T fields in Columbia.
Who is responsible for providing "home club" security?
I've got good news and bad news...
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