[Transcript of an illegal wiretap obtained on January 10, 2008 at 8:17PM EST between two of the suspected satanic cult members.]
[Pearse] �Pearse here.�
[Andrew] �Pearse, it�s Andrew.�
[Pearse] �Yo, dude � what be happen�?�
[Andrew] �I just had this great idea. Let�s invite a ton of college coaches to come to one place to look at kids. We can charge a nominal fee � I figure we won�t lose our shirts because we can get a sponsor to pick up most of the bill.�
[Pearse] �I don�t know, man. It sounds like this might help a kid. I thought we decided that helping kids went against our core values. You remember � dude � we issued our new core values statement last Thursday night when after we drew pentagrams on the floor and called on the Lucifer to aid our club�s 2008 fiscal results. [Unintelligable�] and then the pig and the chicken killed each other over the goat all in the name of the devil [Unintelligable�] it was great, man!�
[Andrew] �Dude � you�ve got to let go of all of that and focus. I�m feeling you on the whole values thing�but the fact is that we really won�t help any kids. Instead, what we�re going to do is to recruit them. That�s the whole point � kind of a pump and dump scheme � don�t you get it, man? We recruit them and then we take all of their money and then by [unintelligible...] we take their souls! It�s brilliant, man, absolutely freakin� brilliant!!!�
[Pearse] �But Andrew, why do we need to recruit them? We won 5 of 8 state championships about a month ago. Heck � there�s not much more recruiting we can do, is there?�
[Andrew] �Absolutely! You�re just not thinking big enough. Look, I know that we were pretty bummed a few years ago when we didn�t come up with the idea of forbidding kids from playing where they wanted to if their teams had too many �non-locals� on it � that was completely evil and cool � but this isn�t a bad way of going about maximizing our karma debt! If we keep this up we can really, really impress the man downstairs."
[Pearse] �Karma debt? How are we really going to screw kids over doing this? I don�t get it?�
[Andrew] �That�s because you�re not thinking big enough. If we can get them all into one place, then we can brainwash their teenage minds into joining our cult � I mean, our club. Once we have them in the club, then we can stop winning only 5 of 8 state championships and start winning 6, 7, even 8 of 8. And then we can kick these kids to the curbside. [Unintelligible�] and then their souls will belong to our master!�
[Pearse] �Okay�I�m starting to get it. But here�s what worries me. What if some kind of genius � some kind of joyous parent � figures it all out and tells everyone! What if this joyous parent lets everyone in on our scheme?�
[Andrew] �Come on�who�s going to believe someone like that? They�re going to think that this person is just worried about losing someone off his kid�s team � so he�d rather screw over all of the kids in terms of giving them an opportunity like this just to protect his kid. [Unintelligible�] souls will be ours and no one will understand how freaking prescient this person would be.�
[Pearse] �Okay�I�m completely with ya� � let�s do it!!!�
